I’ve journaled most of my adult life and spent years following Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages practice, writing 3 A4 pages of stream of consciousness babble first thing on waking.

Does it help or does it just ask more questions than it answers?

Often the answers are pretty obvious. But it’s the steps that we need to take to get there that are difficult.

You can spend days, months, years obsessing over the perfect plan. My obsession was timetables. Endless timetables and schedules, spreadsheet after spreadsheet of the perfectly optimised routine.What is it this week? Let’s align wake up times to circadian rhythms. What chronotype am I?

I now have a whittled down sense of values and if I just live my life according to them then everything will work out alright. Right?

I just had the job that paid really well. The most I have ever earned. Yet the whole time I was dreadfully unhappy.¬†Something still wasn’t right. Like hang on, I should be doing really well here. I have a beautiful apartment. A high paying job. Isn’t that what we come to know as success in this world? Maybe. But it wasn’t my definition of success.

The hardest questions we have to answer sometimes are when we appear ok on the surface but deep down we are struggling with answers to some hard questions, like what would my 10 year old self say about me now?

So it is with all of those questions we ask. All of those life experiences. The ups and the downs. That I have found myself here. Sometimes the hardest part is when we find ourselves back at the start, with nothing to show for it apart from wisdom and scars.

I’m not completely sure what i’m going to do with my life and that’s ok.

All I know now is my values, my experiences, strengths and abilities and to follow my intuition. I will let the universe do it’s thing and unfold as it should.

If I can’t live my truth now, then I haven’t learnt from all of these experiences.

I know there was a purpose. That purpose was universal.

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